A Glaswegian living in Amsterdam goes into a brothel and asks for the fattest, ugliest hooker they have, with the saggiest tits and a fanny like a vandalised bus seat. "Are we feeling kinky tonight sir?" asks the madam. "No" he replies, "Just homesick."
I am a wolf, a wild cur Cut from the pack, with blood on my fur And every howl marks a debt Cause a beaten dog Never forgets
Post by itinerantchild on Aug 2, 2021 17:50:19 GMT
The war office knocked at a certain mr brown's house and upon his answering the door they said " we are from the war office mr Brown and we have come to offer you comensation for your efforts in the 2nd world war " !!
Mr Brown looked at them and said proudly " I took out three anti tank guns on my own, ran out under enemy fire and pulled back two injured generals to safety and ran down the beach to draw the fire from the planes so my platoon could get to safety. I think that if I am due comensation then it should be a lot " !!
The war office gentleman said "we understand completely Mr Brown, just name the amount and we will consider it" !!
Mr Brown went silent in thought for a few minutes then came up with his amount. He said " how about you give me one pound for every inch of my penis from my bell end down to my bollox", to which the war office guy accepted very quickly thinking that he was going to save the government a lot of money. He went to his car and came back with a tape measure and asked mr brown to take out his todger so they could see how much he was going to get !!
The man started measuring down from mr browns bell end, one inch,two,three,four,five,six,seven,eight then stopped and looked at mr Brown and asked " where are your bollox mr Brown"?
On the beach at dunkirk came the reply :-)
There could be just one shot at enjoying your life,enjoy it whilst you can and help others do the same :-)