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Post by mallyboppa on Feb 15, 2021 22:21:28 GMT
This is a dad Joke !
I've just got first place in a national bullshitting competition.
Well,I actually came 12th.
To be honest,there wasn't even a competition.
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Joke
Feb 15, 2021 22:22:07 GMT
Post by mallyboppa on Feb 15, 2021 22:22:07 GMT
another !
I caught a couple of thieves trying to steal my satnav - I told them to get lost!
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Post by mallyboppa on Feb 16, 2021 20:00:11 GMT
A little polar bear goes to his father and says, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Dad replies, "I don't know son, go ask your mother." So the little polar bear finds his mom and asks, "Am I 100% polar bear?" Mom thinks about it for a while and says, "Well, I'm a polar bear and your father is a polar bear. All your grandparents, aunts and uncles are polar bears. I'd say it's a safe bet you are 100% polar bear. Why do you ask?" To which the little polar bear shouts, "Because I'm fucking freezing!"
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Joke
Feb 16, 2021 21:35:19 GMT
Post by itinerantchild on Feb 16, 2021 21:35:19 GMT
What did the Buffalo say when his boy left home?
BISON !!!!!! |
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Joke
Feb 16, 2021 21:37:06 GMT
Post by itinerantchild on Feb 16, 2021 21:37:06 GMT
Whats the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison ?
You can't wash your hands in a buffalo !!!!!!
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Post by itinerantchild on Feb 16, 2021 21:50:45 GMT
One day a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer.
All the other men in the bar looked at him and the bartender asked, "You're not from around here, are you lad?"
"No," replied the man, "I'm from London."
"So, boyo," said the bartender, "What do you do for a living then?"
"I'm a taxidermist." Replied the man.
"A taxidermist?" asked the barman, "What's one of them do?"
"Well," replied the man, "I mount animals."
The bartender then turned to all the other welshmen in the bar and said, "It's o.k. lads, he's one of us!" :-)
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Joke
Feb 16, 2021 21:55:56 GMT
lika likes this
Post by itinerantchild on Feb 16, 2021 21:55:56 GMT
An English man, An Irish man, and a welsh man are hiding in a barn from a nazi officer
The English man tells the Irish man and the welsh man to hide in burlap sacks and they all hide in the sacks
The Nazi officer walks into the barn and kicks the first sack and the English man yells “Meow” and the nazi officer says “Must be a cat”
The officer walks to the second sack kicks it and the Welsh man yells “Woof Woof” and the nazi officer says “must be a dog”
The Nazi officer walks over to the third sack kicks it and the Irish man yells “Potatoes Potatoes!”
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Post by itinerantchild on Feb 16, 2021 22:10:45 GMT
A Welshman walks into his bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."
The wife, lying in bed reading a book says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep not a cow!"
The man turns to the sheep and chuckles, "She thinks I'm talking to her.
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Post by itinerantchild on Feb 18, 2021 19:34:38 GMT
My welsh grandfather passed away this morning, though we are not sad as he died peacefully in his sheep :-)
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Post by lika on Feb 20, 2021 20:18:08 GMT
I kissed her parted lips, our tongues touched. One hand passionately kneaded her breast, tweaking her hardened nipple.
As the other hand delved deep between her thighs I couldn't help but think, "This'll probably be the last open casket funeral I get invited to".
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Joke
Feb 22, 2021 10:37:04 GMT
Post by itinerantchild on Feb 22, 2021 10:37:04 GMT
I kissed her parted lips, our tongues touched. One hand passionately kneaded her breast, tweaking her hardened nipple. As the other hand delved deep between her thighs I couldn't help but think, "This'll probably be the last open casket funeral I get invited to". yuk, I feel sick !!!! |
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Post by bigbear67 on Feb 22, 2021 11:42:42 GMT
Young lad gets a job in an undertakers laying out bodies. After his first solo nightshift he says to his supervisor "that old lady who was brought in last night has a prawn between her legs"
Supervisor looks & says "that's not a prawn lad, its called a clitoris"
Lad says "Oh, well it tastes like a prawn!".....😨
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Joke
Feb 22, 2021 16:51:33 GMT
Post by itinerantchild on Feb 22, 2021 16:51:33 GMT
How do welsh people eat hot cheese or drink hot tea ?
Caerphilly :-)
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Joke
Mar 22, 2021 10:30:10 GMT
Post by itinerantchild on Mar 22, 2021 10:30:10 GMT
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
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Post by itinerantchild on Mar 22, 2021 10:43:29 GMT
Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
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