Joke

The teacher bit i can do,im handy with a cane😜,but you make me sound like a nun😂(btw,i was a Sunday school assistant when i was 14..then i discovered boys )

Dunno about Sunday School because I never went. Ordinary school I never fell asleep but I was frequently bored being well ahead of the rest of the class in everything but maths, about which I had a phobia. Being bored I was not necessarily listening but I was bullied a lot. I dealt with this by avoiding all contact with people but if I was caught and hurt my response was, and still is, to go still and mute.

Nothing wrong with your joke but I am entirely the wrong actor for the role you have given me. 😂

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the clerk. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's Rolling Stone."

A few easter jokes.


What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus? -  You only need one nail to hang up the picture of Jesus.


Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the innkeeper three nails and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

I've just seen someone's gone to the trouble of putting up a sign outside a restaurant saying "Happy Easter" but they've left the 's' out.

A farmer plays a prank on Easter Sunday. After the egg hunt, he sneaks into the chicken coop and replaces every white egg with a brightly coloured one. Minutes later, the rooster walks in. He spots the coloured eggs, then storms out and beats up the peacock.

Happy Easter everyone xx

Two blokes are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, “Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord.” He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears it saying a prayer: “Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive.”:-)

Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing. The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green. Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green. Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard. Jesus closes his eyes and prays. The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole. The old man's turn comes and he drives the ball. The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water. A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball, as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish. As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish. As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one. Jesus looks at Moses and says, "I really think I'm leaving Dad at home next time!"