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Post by givingitsomethought on Jul 3, 2019 6:46:10 GMT
Sorry to read this, Cricket. It's happened to me many times. Unfortunately I don't know why people do it or know how to cope with it! I find it very painful and difficult to manage. I find it hard to understand that other people aren't like me. I'm not perfect, but I'm honest and I don't do people over, so it's always a shock to me when it happens. It's just kind of not on my radar so it knocks me off my game. I think the Voodoo and the Roman Candles sound like a good idea  Hope you're okay xx |
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Post by NomadCris on Jul 3, 2019 9:22:38 GMT
Slow bar b que-ing of the offender is never enough.
But betrayal is like a slow poisin that youve been given by the betrayer but then you yourself keep taking more.The more you take the more it corrodes you.
Over the years ive found that accepting youve been duped and move on quickly is better for your soul.
Negative vibes and bitterness only ruin your own daily routine and frame of mind, no one elses.
Though if theres ever a passive opportunity to exact some revenge that naturally presents itself it might be churlish not to take it.
As they say, revenge is a dish best served cold.
Sorry youve been betrayed and hurt,Cricket.
Karma can usually be counted on to level injustice.
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Post by patchypete on Jul 3, 2019 17:20:37 GMT
Got shit on in the past by every single "friend" I had. They all decided they preferred shagging my wife to being buddies with me. Hurt a lot cos I thought they valued my friendship but obviously they didn't. Left me fucked for a while but eventually made me trust nobody. Now got 1good close mate & a partner who puts up with me, & my hippy mates on here. Everyone else can fuck off, won't get fooled again!.... Yup been there and suffered that experience, it’s definitely not nice, all the lies, while I merrily carried on oblivious everything. The next serious relationship I had, I later found out she was stealing from me and going through my personal things, mentally abusive, I didn’t know which way I was turning and turned to alcohol to deal with my miserable life. Family can be a bunch of backstabbers as well. Now with a really good person, who I learned to trust, and is my everything, alcohol under control, life is good. I don’t bear the people in my past any malice now, I feel sorry for them in a way, one has suffered a lot of serious mental health problems and been sectioned a few times, the other is spending a life of loneliness. As IC says, time to move on, and don’t waste your positive energy wishing them ill, life’s too short. |
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Post by patchypete on Jul 3, 2019 17:24:52 GMT
I try to be spiritual Treestump but if I could have a rerun.. when i found out about my partner cheating while i was working to keep us,instead of crying a lot and leaving my home and money,I would tie him up and shove a large Roman Candle in every orifice after i had chopped his balls off,then light a big spliff while he was igniting.  Fucking hell, wouldn’t want to upset you ! sorry you been hurt, sending you positive thoughts x |
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Post by bigbear67 on Jul 3, 2019 19:21:40 GMT
In agreement with that PP. Negative thoughts are just that, negative. Draw a line & move on. My ex is no better off, still single with a line of failed relationships all with fuckin druggies & wife beaters. Karma got her good, as well as the tossers that fucked me over. Still dealing with a lot of shot myself but at least all that negativity is behind me. Onwards & upwards....
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Post by cricket on Jul 3, 2019 20:07:03 GMT
Fucking hell, wouldn’t want to upset you ! sorry you been hurt, sending you positive thoughts x Its ok.I wouldnt hurt anyone or anything.Its just that a gory comeuppance for one who has been so cruel and caused so much pain knowingly to me satisfies the mind at times.Another thread about the wickedest, mean and evil thoughts about one who has hurt you may be fun.I doubt most would ever admit to being evil in thought though,this being a peace and love place. |
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Post by cornishharry on Jul 3, 2019 22:30:02 GMT
love an peace place REALLY ?
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Post by NomadCris on Jul 4, 2019 16:36:37 GMT
Sounds a bit too hippy to me..probably throwing them through the gates of hell would be more satisfying, but someone has to pay the ferryman...Im not paying their fare as well.
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Post by cricket on Jul 5, 2019 11:59:06 GMT
Sounds a bit too hippy to me..probably throwing them through the gates of hell would be more satisfying, but someone has to pay the ferryman...Im not paying their fare as well. Do you mean by" paying the ferryman,"that any mental, or even physical, retribution for the perpetrator as a response to their cruel and damaging behaviour to you, is therefore allowing them to cause further harm by dwelling on their actions?If so I understand your wisdom completely.But how can anyone switch off any reaction and just walk away?I wish I could master the non react.Perhaps its a matter of mental strength.If I could take a pill or have some memories removed forever I would do so willingly. |
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boaty
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Post by boaty on Jul 5, 2019 18:56:05 GMT
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Post by NomadCris on Jul 5, 2019 20:27:36 GMT
Sounds a bit too hippy to me..probably throwing them through the gates of hell would be more satisfying, but someone has to pay the ferryman...Im not paying their fare as well. Do you mean by" paying the ferryman,"that any mental, or even physical, retribution for the perpetrator as a response to their cruel and damaging behaviour to you, is therefore allowing them to cause further harm by dwelling on their actions?If so I understand your wisdom completely.But how can anyone switch off any reaction and just walk away?I wish I could master the non react.Perhaps its a matter of mental strength.If I could take a pill or have some memories removed forever I would do so willingly. If you understand the ferryman symbolism youll know what i mean. Betrayal is what it is,it hurts,it eats into you, its a betrayal of trust and/or love...you can lick your wounds,adjust to the pain and try to move on in your own time or you can let it fester and claim your life and soul. You wont forget whats been done but you can reduce the influence it has on your daily life and emotions. I suppose if you like, compartmentalise it or acquire a detachment from it in order to keep on going and functioning normally. |
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Post by cricket on Jul 5, 2019 23:12:41 GMT
Acquiring detachment and/or compartmentalising the cruel deed done to you so that it does not continue causing emotional harm,is an option I would think most would choose.This however depends on strength of mind.I am aware of the emotional harm dwelling on a destructive event has,but the subconscious is a wild and masterful, independent influence at times.
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Post by NomadCris on Jul 6, 2019 1:25:34 GMT
Betrayal is in some regards,inflicts a similar degree of trauma on an individual as bereavement.
It inflicts the same devastating upset on an individuals life and emotions.
Individuals have to and do (mostly) come to terms with that bereavement trauma over time in their own time by management of their grief day to day while carrying on with lifes routines as best they can.
Thats all im saying.
The longer you hang on to the toxic emotions of a betrayal the more disrupted your life and emotions will be.
I know its not easy to deal with betrayal, ive been a victim of it too a few times but self preservation and survival mode kicks in and says (to me) its irrational allowing this event to completely destroy me, you have to cope with the negative aspects no longer than you have to.
Maybe its easy for me to say as ive had two careers where detachment is part and parcel of dealing with daily trauma and associated emotion.
But, allowing betrayal to bring you down long term is not an option IMO, but as you say it very much depends on individuals character.We're all vulnerable if the wrong circumstances stack up.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2019 8:06:02 GMT
The feeling that somebody has done something that seems personal, and deliberately horrible to you, is awful. You cannot help going over and over in your mind, wondering why/what you did to deserve it, etc.
However, you have to let it go and move on. If you don't, it just poisons you and spoils your interactions with other people.
I remind myself that I have I have done stuff in the past that someone else considers a betrayal, whether or not I have realised it at the time, we have all done something which we know someone else sould hate, but done it anyway, perhaps secretly in the hope that they won't find out.
Forgive them, which doesn't mean that you have to hang out with them if you feel your values don't match: it just means that you refuse to let something that has already happened and which cannot be changed hurt you furthur.
Good luck and Be Happy x
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Post by cornishharry on Jul 6, 2019 9:59:50 GMT
was betrayed 17 years ago, it broke me, lost every thing family house etc. literally had nothing. even now i have trust issues and do not get close to anyone. yeah i take the cowards way out and run away, not proud of it but is my way of saving my own sanity, because if it happened again it would kill me
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Hope you're okay xx
